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How (not) to say you're sorry

Cover of I'm Sorry You Got Mad
A review of I'm Sorry You Got Mad by Kyle Lukoff
Julie Kwon

Let me just start by saying this is my current favorite book - I think everyone can learn something about emotions, apologies, and sincerity by reading this epistolary tale filled with classroom drama.

First, the facts. Jack knocked over Zoe's castle, and now he is trying to write an apology letter. The story opens with a crumpled note stating "sorry," and we see Jack working through various iterations. A couple attempts later:

Dear Zoe,
I'm sorry you got so mad!!!
Jack

is annotated with a note from his kind and patient teacher to please try again. Ms. Rice tells Jack that an apology must include three things:

1) What I did
2) That I'm sorry
3) And I'll help you fix it.

With each version, we hear a little more of the story, with a generous dose of excuses thrown in ("it wasn't my fault!!!"). During today's assignment to paint your feelings, Jack spatters red paint angrily all over his paper while we read that he wanted to play with the castle but couldn't - that is why he got mad and knocked it over.

Why couldn't Jack play with the castle? What other emotions were behind his actions? No spoilers, but I promise this tale has a happy ending - eventually Jack reaches a sincere apology, which Zoe accepts, and we close on the two friends building a new castle together. 

The illustrations tell so much of the story here, and one background hero is the teacher, who we see managing a whole classroom of big emotions and behaviors, addressing bullying and stereotypes, all while simultaneously teaching Jack (and us!) about making amends.

Sep 27, 2024